Spiritualism & Authenticity

I spent the first 45 years of my life in one denomination of Christianity or another. I was raised Roman Catholic and in my early 20’s switched over to United Methodist only to find myself in the Assemblies Of God denomination around age 40.

What I noticed in my adult years was that every member of the church congregation was perfect…except for me.

In addition to the defeating feeling that there was a purpose to my life I was not fulfilling, I now had an inferiority complex to deal with. Every other Christian was joyful, dressed perfectly, had the perfect home, the perfect family and the perfect life. All because they had Jesus.

After going through one of those periods where I just was not into my faith or Spirituality in general, I told a close friend that whether I was close to God or not, I saw no difference in my life and I could not figure out why. I do not recall her having an answer for me.

Around the age of 45 I became so disenchanted with Christianity and religion in general that most Sundays I did not attend church; whereas, in the past I was at church at least twice a week. Suffering from chronic illnesses was a good excuse to stay home and I gradually became complacent.

This complacency was the perfect opportunity for me to reassess my beliefs and what I knew within my Spirit. It was my quiet time to reconsider if what I had been doing all my life was right for my Spiritual health.

When I was age 49 my oldest son, John, took his life. This major life changing event caused such a shift in my Spiritual growth that it made my head spin.

The first major milestone was John consistently “popping in” to remind me who I truly am. “Mom, I know you can hear me. You’re psychic…I checked back on your past.” The nosey child! He brought back memories of Spiritual experiences and conversations with Spirits I had not thought of in years.

If you want a lapsed psychic medium to return to her craft, have one of her children cross over into the Spirit Realm. I have a feeling it will work every time. Anyway, since that time I have been re-remembering and honing my gift/ability.

I then began to consider where I belonged in regards to faith. I still did not feel drawn to religion. I was looking for something more open and free. A place where I could be my true self, practice (or not) in a manner which felt right for me. I wanted to be able to think for myself, take what resonated and leave what did not.

I felt at the time that Spiritualism was the right fit for me.

At first I was very happy with this new Spiritual path until I began to meet more and more people who held the “same” beliefs”. What I found was, again, the need to be perfect…in Spiritualism this means “perpetually positive”.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I believe that how you perceive life events and what you do with them makes all the difference in the world. I have had enough life events to know this. You can take a “bad” life event and be bitter and angry for the rest of your life or you can take the same event and use it for Spiritual growth.

The problem arises when one must be positive about every little thing. In my opinion, this leads to disingenuousness. You are not only lying to yourself but to others. If you believe that Spiritual Advancement equals perpetual positivity then you are spiritually bypassing….not healthy, people!

What about the misunderstanding of observing? Observing does not mean you sit there and do nothing when the mierda hits the fan in your life, a loved one’s life or on a global scale. Observing means you watch and observe without allowing it to control you. Then, where necessary and appropriate, action should be taken. In other words, don’t make it a melodrama but also don’t ignore the problem and allow it to grow.

A good rule of thumb “focus on what want, not on what you don’t want”. Make the changes you want to see within yourself first and then take action to make the situation better without attacking the opposition.

To ignore “negative” feelings or situations is to turn a blind eye which allows said feelings to fester and grow then…EXPLOSION! To ignore a situation is to allow it to remain for all time without correction.

There is also a need to be perfect within the Spiritual community in the manner of speech, diet, the company you keep, etc. In my opinion this leads to lack of love and open mindedness which is the antithesis of Spirituality.

Limiting yourself in these manners also does not allow for growth. Once you stick a label on yourself you do not allow yourself to grow outside the bounds of that label. Should you step outside the bounds, you incur guilt and jump right back inside for fear someone may call you out as being a fraud.

I have trouble keeping myself within one belief system or Spiritual path. I cannot tolerate having to do things a certain way, speak a certain way, eat a certain way, do certain rituals every day, etc.

I have chosen not to ascribe to one certain path, I suppose. I don’t know what I belive but I do know what I know which rarely lines up with any path.

I don’t know how to feel about Creator/Source/God or even if I believe in it as others do. I sometimes think maybe I’m an Atheist but that is not possible. I don’t believe in an afterlife….I have been forced into KNOWING there is an afterlife by being born a psychic medium.

I guess that negates the Atheist thing for me?

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